As you know, if you’ve read my blog or follow me on twitter, I no longer work. I no longer work due to disability, mainly due to disabling arthritis and fibromyalgia. It’s hard because, as you will often hear, “but you look fine”. Yes, I do not typically look like I feel bad at all. In fact, I think most of us with invisible illnesess try very hard to hide and cover up how we really feel. I know, as a woman, I have always felt like I needed to present myself very well made up and strong. You will rarely find me bemoaning how I feel, it’s just not me. I have always stuffed my feelings and try my best to present myself in the best light, even though I’m miserable inside, at times. However, even though I have really awful days, I still try my best to find the silver lining. I am and will always be, a glass half full type of person. I will always remain positive. The truth is, I will have my disability whether I’m negative or positive, so I tend to focus on that which I can do. That’s how I get by, everyone deals with things differently.
I have found that I spend a lot of time focusing on the negativity I’ve experienced by my neighbors. If you’ve read my blog, you will see that life has been really tough since they’ve moved in. I cannot say for certain that they are behind all of the negative things that have occurred, but I do not know anyone else who has such hate towards me. Since I last wrote, we have felt safer moving our car to a more crowded parking spot and purchasing a PO Box. These changes have cost us money, but it’s helping my peace of mind. I realize that my neighbors are sick. They need my prayers more than they need my anger. So I’m really trying my best to keep my faith and mind in love and compassion, even when I’m at my wits end! However, I don’t want to focus all of my time on them. I realize that I write a lot about them. It is helpful in that I can release my feelings through writing. But, I also want to focus on positive things. I can’t say that I won’t ever write about them. but I want to move forward. We decided to renew our lease and in many ways, I’m deciding to renew the way I think about them.
I am a proud, certified, and verified TV Addict! I have always been a TV fan, even as young as 5, I can remember staying up late on the weekends watching music videos. I recall watching the very first episode of the Oprah Winfrey show and sneaking up late at night to watch the crazy antics on the Morton Downy Jr Show, that’s a blast from the past! However, I do tend to spend more time on TV watching than any other activity. So, I’ve made a list of things that I want to start getting done during the day, including catching up on some TV shows. I’ll likely never give up on TV watching, I have no desire to give that up. It’s a hobby and I love it. I am not afraid to admit that. The following are a few things that I want to start including into my daily or weekly routine. I think I do better with lists and writing out what I want to accomplish. I love organization and checking things off a list. Here are the things I’d like to start including in my new routine:
Reading, Blogging/Writing, Cleaning, Organizing, Exercising, Praying/Rosary, Budgeting, Couponing, Menu Planning and TV Watching! Of course this list isn’t comprehensive, I can always add more later. But, if I can attempt to accomplish some or all of these things within my day, as I’m able, I will feel like I’ve added more purpose to my life. It’s easier to sleep at night knowing that I’ve done more than just watch TV. However, I realize there are days where watching TV is about the most I can accomplish, and that’s ok too. The key is to accept what I can do and push myself as much as I’m able to do.
It gets too easy becoming stuck in a rut. I want to have some value and accomplishments within my day. The next chapter is waiting to be lived.