Moving on with the Next Chapter

As you know, if you’ve read my blog or follow me on twitter, I no longer work. I no longer work due to disability, mainly due to disabling arthritis and fibromyalgia. It’s hard because, as you will often hear, “but you look fine”. Yes, I do not typically look like I feel bad at all. In fact, I think most of us with invisible illnesess try very hard to hide and cover up how we really feel. I know, as a woman, I have always felt like I needed to present myself very well made up and strong. You will rarely find me bemoaning how I feel, it’s just not me. I have always stuffed my feelings and try my best to present myself in the best light, even though I’m miserable inside, at times. However, even though I have really awful days, I still try my best to find the silver lining. I am and will always be, a glass half full type of person. I will always remain positive. The truth is, I will have my disability whether I’m negative or positive, so I tend to focus on that which I can do. That’s how I get by, everyone deals with things differently.

I have found that I spend a lot of time focusing on the negativity I’ve experienced by my neighbors. If you’ve read my blog, you will see that life has been really tough since they’ve moved in. I cannot say for certain that they are behind all of the negative things that have occurred, but I do not know anyone else who has such hate towards me. Since I last wrote, we have felt safer moving our car to a more crowded parking spot and purchasing a PO Box. These changes have cost us money, but it’s helping my peace of mind. I realize that my neighbors are sick. They need my prayers more than they need my anger. So I’m really trying my best to keep my faith and mind in love and compassion, even when I’m at my wits end! However, I don’t want to focus all of my time on them. I realize that I write a lot about them. It is helpful in that I can release my feelings through writing. But, I also want to focus on positive things. I can’t say that I won’t ever write about them. but I want to move forward. We decided to renew our lease and in many ways, I’m deciding to renew the way I think about them.

I am a proud, certified, and verified TV Addict! I have always been a TV fan, even as young as 5, I can remember staying up late on the weekends watching music videos. I recall watching the very first episode of the Oprah Winfrey show and sneaking up late at night to watch the crazy antics on the Morton Downy Jr Show, that’s a blast from the past! However, I do tend to spend more time on TV watching than any other activity. So, I’ve made a list of things that I want to start getting done during the day, including catching up on some TV shows. I’ll likely never give up on TV watching, I have no desire to give that up. It’s a hobby and I love it. I am not afraid to admit that. The following are a few things that I want to start including into my daily or weekly routine. I think I do better with lists and writing out what I want to accomplish. I love organization and checking things off a list. Here are the things I’d like to start including in my new routine:

Reading, Blogging/Writing, Cleaning, Organizing, Exercising, Praying/Rosary, Budgeting, Couponing, Menu Planning and TV Watching! Of course this list isn’t comprehensive, I can always add more later. But, if I can attempt to accomplish some or all of these things within my day, as I’m able, I will feel like I’ve added more purpose to my life. It’s easier to sleep at night knowing that I’ve done more than just watch TV. However, I realize there are days where watching TV is about the most I can accomplish, and that’s ok too. The key is to accept what I can do and push myself as much as I’m able to do.

It gets too easy becoming stuck in a rut. I want to have some value and accomplishments within my day. The next chapter is waiting to be lived.

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2 thoughts on “Moving on with the Next Chapter

  1. Hello,
    I, too, have Fibro and RA, along with Scoliosis of the spine and scleroderma. Plus, my last doctor believes I have lupus. I am in constant pain, on morphine and Norco, (Norco’s for the break through), but like you, I try to put myself in the best light. Especially now, when I’ve taken in my ex-husband who is destitute and blind. Our daughter threw him out on the street, thinking he didn’t want to work, when he actually can’t. It is a struggle for me, being in such pain, taking care of him, the house and my animals, especially since I’m on low income. Yet, I will not allow anyone I know to live on the streets.

    People always tell me I don’t look sick, but I can’t sleep, for the mattress is too much pressure on my body. Causing me extreme pain. My doctor made the mistake of touching my spine, while listening to my lungs, I jumped so high, from the shock of the pain, I think I might have hurt her fingers, for the next time I saw her, they were in a brace, of some sort.

    My neighbor, is an angry person. She brags about her horrible temper. She’s even gone so far as to try to tear out a newly cemented post, of her other neighbor, who was fencing in her property. This neighbor, Dana, went out and tried to tear the post out, thinking it was on her property. Not only that, but a woman was walking her dog, on the street. The dog suddenly urinated on the street, right by Dana’s property line. She went out and screamed at the woman, all the way down the street, using horrible angry words. Words I dare not write here. Now this woman, Dana, is slamming her door, all hours of the day and night. She knows my bedroom window is right across from that door. This morning, between 4 a.m. and 7:15, she slammed it eight times! Waking me up, after I had just fallen asleep, from exhaustion, at 3 a.m.! I had my fan on, for “white noise,” but she slams the door so hard, anything I try to do, doesn’t work!

    She’s been in my bedroom and knows the layout of my house. She also points her front spot light, a security light, directly at my window, when my large tree looses its leaves. Otherwise, she has it pointing down, on the driveway, knowing the tree is blocking the light, from shining in my window. I had to put up ugly silver reflecting curtains, which are plastic, but still the lights comes in the sides.

    I have tried and tried to be nice to her. I’ve gone out of my way, to do this. I also have been “Turning the other cheek,” but it’s become too much, now. If I say anything to her, it will only become worse. I don’t know what I’ve done to make her hate me. I often have this problem with some women, who are not confident in their intelligence or in their looks, even though I am very friendly, kind and nice to them. I think this is the reason why Dana hates me.

    She has done so much, to disturb my peace, including her boyfriend to paint cars, commercially, in her back yard, which the smells come directly into my house and makes us both sick, (my ex husband and myself). These paints are to only be used in a well ventilated room, with special clothing, yet he does it, close to my house, emptying the chemicals by my fence, where I have a 10 year old honeysuckle, which he is killing. She’s gone and cut my honeysuckle, which I have asked her and her daughter, nicely to leave it alone, since it’s on my fence, within my property lines. They leave junk all over their yard, including building a big kitty box, right under the honeysuckle, so we can’t sit out, on our screened porch, like we used to do, without smelling the cat’s box. Plus, they allow the one kitty to jump over my fence and use my gardens for its potty boxes. The smell is so strong, people who come to visit, hold their noses, as they come to my front door. Yet, I’ve not complained to her, in hopes things will get better.

    I’ve prayed and prayed for her and for her to stop this nonsense, but it is only getting worse and is making me more ill, due to lack of sleep. So, if anyone has any suggestions, I would love to hear from you. In the meantime, I am praying for you all, I hope your pain goes away, by someone finding a miracle drug to make it stop, so we all can live a humane life, again.

    As to your watching TV, I don’t think you should ever apologize or explain why you do it. It helps to take your mind off your illnesses. You should rest, when in so much pain, for if you are like me, anything you do, causes more pain. I have suffered well over 10 years, nothing helps. But, I keep my faith strong and hope things will eventually work out.

    I will put you in my prayers tonight and wish you a lovely holiday season. May 2014 find you much relief and much happiness….

    Always,
    Marianne

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  2. Marianne, I’m so sorry I am just now reading this. I’ve been slacking on my blogging. Thank you for your beautiful words and I am so sorry you’re dealing with a neighbor like that. I pray that things have changed for you, in the better. I know having negative people in our lives is one of the worst things for our health. You are a wonderful person not only dealing with your own health issues, but now taking care of your ex husband. God bless you. I will keep you in my prayers as well ❤

    Like

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